Ten New Events to Make the Winter Olympics More Exciting

1. The 1km ski jump
2. Full-contact speed skating
3. Ice dancing biathalon: Do a spin, take a shot.
4. Vodka biathalon: Take a shot, do a shot.
5. Synchronized skeleton
6. Cross-country hurdles
7. Downhill figure skating
8. Nude luge
9. Pairs snowboarding
10. I'm not even going to mention curling.