Spring Shoes

Enough of this. Let's look at some shoes.

Ooh!

Manolo Blahnik

Ah!

Alberto Moretti-Arfango

Whee!

Loeffler Randall

Hey!

Kate Spade

Wha?

Sigh.

Balenciaga

Ha!

Maison Martin Margiela

Whoa.

Sergio Rossi

Ow!

Christian Louboutin

The Why-Files

Is clear plastic really that expensive?
Outreach to the partial-foot-amputee community?
Someone in the marketing department has a crippling fear of toes?
Proactive recruiting at the Home for Disabled Mannequins?
Final, definitive evidence that the fashion industry is run by aliens who do not fully understand the construction of the human body?

Frankly, I'm stumped.

You Can Go With This, Or You Can Go With That

And now, for your Tuesday viewing pleasure, some sparkling shoes for the holidays.

High:

Low:

Big pile of no:

Cat On the Hat

For the fashion-forward crazy cat lady:

I say, if you're going to do this, you should go all the way and pair it with these shoes.

Let's Do Some Math!

Drugs - People = Money

Drugs - Money = Huffing Whipped Cream Cans at Safeway

(People - Money + Drugs)*Dignity^-1 = VH1

People - Pictures + Words = Newsweek

People - Words + Pictures = Star

People + People = Hell

Money + Money = Problems + Problems

Money + Money + Money = Must Be Funny In a Rich Man's World

Money + Money + Money + Money = Money!

Socks + Boots + Drugs - Money = These.

Meanwhile. . .

In Vegas, I tried on but did not buy these shoes. I also did not have my wallet stolen, which was quite a relief.

Details to follow.

Palate Cleanser

While I prepare another round of sartorial horrors for your viewing pleasure, let's all look at this and remind ourselves that yes, there still are beautiful things in the world:

Miu Miu Buckle Strap Sandal

There. I feel better already.

When Bad Marketing Happens to Good Shoes

As I may have mentioned here, I am at the moment completely in love with Timberland's line of women's casual shoes*, a fact which will become even more clear on Shoesdays to come. Because, seriously, what's not to love? Sturdy, comfortable, nice to look at and (as far as I can tell) reasonably waterproof. Price-wise they aren't exactly cheap, but they're not what I'd call that expensive, and they have good sales (see below).

One thing they don't have is very good website design, which is why it took me until now to stumble across this section. Which is slightly more expensive than their regular offerings, but all very appealing and wearable and lovely. So it's great, until you get to the marketing description of these shoes:

The Lucille collection reflects the women of the Industrial Age, with premium, enduring materials and skillful construction and stitching that's practical and rugged yet feminine. Authentic and unique styling is reminiscent of years when women depended on their footwear as much as their country depended on them, but the addition of canvas details and lighter overall designs reflect summertime adventures away from the factory floor.

Ah yes, those halcyon days for women working at the dawn of the Industrial Revolution. The satisfaction of twenty-hour days! The thrilling danger of dying when the factory catches fire and all the doors are locked to keep you in! The shoes!

Yeah, not so much.


*At the moment I am trying to decide if I would rather get these or these during the current 40% off sale on their website**, assuming I could come up with a way to justify the purchase of either of them.
**Code: BFF11. Don't say I never do anything for you.

Um, Okay

I guess that's one way to get guys to notice your shoes.

Good Idea, Bad Idea: Personalization Edition

Elegant: Monogrammed Stationary

Not Elegant: Monogrammed Rain Boots

Handy general rule: If it's something you would do to your kids' shoes to keep them from losing them, it probably isn't something you should be buying for yourself.

(Also: "Bob?")

Killer Shoes

As any good serial killer knows, the key to carrying off a successful murder is planning. That's why these shoes are such a perfect gift for the up-and-coming psycho in your life:

Wear these regularly for a few weeks before the big day, and no one will bat an eye when your rival for the booth at the craft fair goes missing. Especially if it looks like she was the victim of a tragic horse-kicking.

(Credit to Refinery 29 and Joe for these.)

Just no.

I mean it. No.

Merry and Bright

I don't know about you. but where I am it is cold and gray and rainy, and someone is out of Trader Joe's frozen lunches, so she has to walk all the way across the parking lot* to go to the cafeteria. So let's look at some lovely things to cheer ourselves up, shall we?

Pretty!

Shiny!

Sparkly!

Feathery!

Spiky!

Insanity!



*It's a big parking lot.

Shoesday: Jingle Shoes

If you happen to have visited my twitter or Facebook or have been within about ten feet of me in the last couple of weeks, you may have heard about how I just sold my short story "Schrödinger's Cat Lady" to the fine people at Escape Pod, for publication as a podcast and text in mid-January. That would be excitement enough all on its own, but making it even better is the fact that they have become successful enough to pay professional rates for their stories which is very exciting indeed. So, of course, I did what I always do when faced with an unexpected financial windfall, and spent it on shoes.


I love these shoes. They're a great shade of candy-apple red, there's a hidden platform that keeps them from being too high and padding in the footbed to make it possible to stand in them for more than ten minutes at a time.

But the best part (and the problem) is what's on the back:

Awesome, yes? I could never bring myself to get any additional piercings on my body, but I love them on my shoes. And the metal heel is just the right touch of basassitude for the holidays. But there is a problem.

You know what happens when a metal charm hits a metal heel? Clinking. Jingling, even. But that's okay. I figure either I'll where these to a Christmas party and the noise will be blamed on someone else's novelty sweater, or a club and pretend it's just part of the music.

Because, jingling be damned, with imaginary cats as my witness I promise you this: I will wear them.

Guest-Blogging

Someone over at the fine mystery-writers' blog The Ladykillers must have suffered at least a minor  head injury recently, because they asked me to stop by today and blog about the weather. Naturally, I made it about shoes. And gave it a weird title. Please stop by to offer your comments and condolences, and talk about your favorite wet-day footwear.

Bouchercon Baby Gone

Saturday and Sunday-- Let's put this one in the books.

I said I was going to bring my boots, and I did. (I tried them with some floral patterned tights, but in combination with the floral dress I had (Target!), it seemed like a little bit much.) And despite an array of very interesting looking panels, something, possibly related to the open bar on Friday, but I am making no accusations. My apologies to the people who spent great time and effort in constructing and organizing their morning panels, but if it's any comfort, I probably would have just fallen asleep anyway.

While I was lying in bed, nursing my inexplicable headache, Cameron was out running sixteen miles. Just thought I ought to share that.

In the afternoon, Karen and I attended one panel, along with her three-month-old daughter, Kate. (More on this interaction later.) Moment of the day: When one author started an anecdote with the phrase, "When I was on tour in France" and Karen and I turned to each other with the simultaneous, unspoken thought: "I want to go on a book tour in France."

Which I'm sure we are both going to do, assuming the people of France have any interest in land-based cephalopods.* Hey, they like Jerry Lewis; anything is possible.

Bouchercon For the Money

Because it was a great location, but I have to say, that hotel room was not cheap.

Day 2, Shoe 1:

One problem with my shoe-centric convention plan was that it was kind of incompatible with pants. Which is too bad, because I'm a big fan of pants. But these are the kinds of sacrifices we have to make if we are going to go around using our material possessions in our desperate bids for attention. Which is a long way of saying I spent a lot of time in skirts, with a heavy reliance on pieces from the last Target designer collection.*

I tried to wear my cut-out booties to Cornelia's panel ("Nancy Drew Was a Cosmo Girl"***), but it was so crowded I would have had to spend the entire time crouching on the floor. So I took myself off to the Sisters in Crime-hosted hospitality suite, for some of the generously provided snacks (best acquired when panels were in session,  due to the lack of competition).

Besides, I needed the sustenance for the next panel I attended (and got an actual chair! kind of had to fight for it though), on Ancient Greek and Roman-set mysteries, featuring every heavyweight**** best-selling author in the genre, plus Gary Corby, my twitter pal and a debut author, holding down the Greek end of things. I'd have to say it was the best panel of the convention, as measured in the number of wacko stalkers who turned up during the Q&A period (two).

By the way, I feel like I should mention that while all this was going on, it was also my thirty-third birthday. I am now firm in my belief that all birthdays should be celebrated in the company of 1400 mystery authors and fans. Also, Cameron gave me a mini video camera, and as soon as I figure out how to work iMovie it's going to be all cat videos, all the time around here. You have been warned.

Bouchercon and Done

You want to make a bad business decision? Try hosting a convention of writers in your hotel and closing the bar at midnight. That should do it.

Last weekend Bouchercon, the World Mystery Convention, was held in San Francisco and, aside from the management's lack of vision with regards to beverage profits, it was an exceptional experience. I could tell you all about the panels, the authors, the massive bag of free books and/or the very stylish but completely impractical design of the hotel,* and maybe I'll get to that. But first, let's talk about the shoes.

The Puccis I Didn't Pack

My shoes, of course. As promised, I packed an entire separate suitcase for them, plus the overflow that made it in the main suitcase. I had to make some tough calls, like leaving behind my beloved Puccis, and most (but not all) of my boots. And, of course, anything with any claim to sense or comfort.

Would have been perfect, if I didn't have heels

Actually, that's not entirely true. I did try (and fail) to have comfortable shoes, by wearing my black flats for the trip over. I had to do something, because the first part of my plan was to drop off my car at the shop in SOMA where it's getting a new engine (long story**), walk from there to BART and take the train to the Embarcadero, where the conference hotel was located. Unfortunately, what I had forgotten was that I didn't have heel padding in those flats, which meant that my freakishly nobby heels rubbed with every step, which meant that I was blistered before I even started.

This shoe thing, you have to be tough.

(Continued after the jump.)

So Close, And Yet So Not Quite

Every once in a while I get it in my mind that I would like to find something that seems like it should be completely obvious and widely available, but when I go looking for it I find this thing seems not to exist at all.* Recently, that item has been two-tone, low-heeled equestrian boots. (These are close, but I was hoping for more in the way of a heel.)

Which is why I was both hopeful and frustrated when I saw these.

So close! If only the heel was just a little bit thicker! And they weren't quite so ridiculously expensive!

Sigh. I know that getting there is supposed to be some percentage of the fun (Does anyone remember how that saying goes? The details escape me.), but frankly, if I was interested in the chase I wouldn't do 90% of my shopping online these days.


*Case in point: Knee-length, A-line denim skirt. Seriously, is this such a complicated concept? Not every occasion calls for a mini, and not every body calls for a pencil skirt, designers.

These Just Make Me Happy

Festival Studded Welly Boots from Hunter

Are they sensible? At that price, not really. Do I even need heavy-duty rain boots for the 50-60 days of rain we get every year? Of course not. Do they go with anything in my wardrobe? I'd have trouble arguing for that one. Have I ever thought to myself, "Self, what you really need is some studded black rain boots?" Well, no.

Are they completely freaking awesome? Hell yes.