What She Wore

Some people make the same resolutions every year, and they are not very interesting and no one really wants to hear about them.* Then there are people like my friend and coworker Fiona (aka The Queen of Noirs), who do things like resolve to spend an entire year wearing only the clothing she currently has in her closet, without ever repeating an outfit, and keep a blog about it. Which you should go and read, because she has cool style, takes cranky pictures of herself and because I expect it to get pretty fun by about August.

*For example, me.

The Ultimate Purpose of the Internet

What do people like even more than talking about the weather? Reading what other people are thinking about the weather! At least, I'm assuming that's what the people at the Weather Channel website were thinking when they introduced this feature. On the one hand, I guess it might be useful to have all of the most boring people on Twitter collected into one place, in case anybody needs that, but on the other hand, nobody needs that.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to go and share my thoughts with the world vis-a-vis whether or not it should be raining. My voice must be heard!

Design Concept of the Week

You know what this bathroom needs? More moss.

Needs Ranch Dressing

Breaking: Fennec foxes don't like diet food any more than you do.



(Via @weirdimals)

Guest-Blogging

Someone over at the fine mystery-writers' blog The Ladykillers must have suffered at least a minor  head injury recently, because they asked me to stop by today and blog about the weather. Naturally, I made it about shoes. And gave it a weird title. Please stop by to offer your comments and condolences, and talk about your favorite wet-day footwear.

Shoesday: Please Ignore the Toenails, I'll Get To Them Soon

This photo brought to you by Yeah, I Need to Get a New Camera

I was feeling kind of disappointed that all of the cool sandals from the Cynthia Vincent for Target collection sold out pretty much instantly; so much so that I almost went and tried to buy a pair on ebay.

But then I thought, why should I reward the people who bought up all the pairs in the stores by paying double the retail price for the bargain-store knockoffs when, with some patience and a little luck, I can get the real deal on ShopBop for half off? And I really couldn't argue with my logic, so there you have it.

Also, the ladies over at Go Fug Yourself have indicated that clogs seem to be having a revival, although they don't seem to be too happy about it.

Fun New Game!

Guess what it is about the following image that fills me with uncontainable rage:

The "answer" after the jump!

The Tomatoes Are Coming! Maybe!

That's right, after all this time and all these blog posts, there are actual tomatoes on my tomato plants. I know, I can't believe it either. Specifically, there are four tomatoes, each on a different plant.

This is not, I have to admit, the kind of generous bounty I was anticipating when I planted them. (Another thing I'm admitting: my camera is no longer what you would call fully functional. Possibly, after ten years, it may be time for a new one.) But it's more than I've been expecting, after losing almost half of the plants to a mold that wiped out an entire planter, and watching the remaining plants bloom for weeks to no avail.

I was starting to wonder if I was simply growing the world's ugliest flower garden when the first of the fruits popped up. And I'm going to have to assume that it is not entirely a coincidence that it happened not long after I took the advice Lisa posted on her blog (Which, by the way, she really needs to update more often. Also, other people should go there and comment, because I'm starting to feel a little creepy for having most of the comments be me.)

For those of you allergic to clicking through (have you tried calamine lotion?), she suggested that, in the absence of a local bee colony, hand-pollinating may be called for, so I sacrificed one of my eyeshadow brushes to the cause and did my best.

Which may not have been that good, since I've only got four green tomatoes, and no guarantee that they will ripen successfully. But hey, that's almost enough for a salad.

greettings to You, Good freind

Ever get one of those Nigerian scam emails-- or, say, fifty in a day-- and wish there was some way to get back at these people, for their blatant dishonesty and apparently very low opinion of your intelligence? Good news: there is. Even better news: there is a website devoted to publishing the often-amusing, occasionally-disturbing results.

After a certain point, they start to blur the line between "pranks" and "performance art."

Introducing: Alphabracket

This year, inspired by a contest on another blog, I created my first-ever bracket for the March Madness. I am not what you would call a serious basketball fan*, so I have no idea which teams are likely to win, or why. But sheer randomness in my picks would never do; I would never remember who I was cheering for, and I tend to drop coins when I try to flip them. I needed some sort of methodology for choosing my teams, which is why I settled on: alphabetically.





I don't see how this could possibly fail.


*Unless what you call "a serious basketball fan" is "someone has never actually watched or cared about a basketball game." I don't know how you do things.

But, How Would They Know What He Smells Like?

Have you ever asked yourself, "I would like to find some examples of paranoid schizophrenia, but I just don't know where to look."? Yes? Well then, I suggest you try the "Contact Us" form on the Pentagon's website. Also handy if you need examples of a basic lack of understanding of physics!

Although, the bear thing would totally work. The trick is to figure out how to get them to call you when they find him.


(via Dave Barry's blog)

Okay, Seriously

PajamaJeans? Pajama Jeans? Isn't this the sort of thing you dress a two-year-old in? Is there any sane person who would look at these and think they look like jeans? If someone wore these with Crocs, would my head explode? Please God, do not let this be the new Snuggie.

Word of warning, if I see you in these, I will hit you with a stick.



("Thanks" to the Fug Girls for the heads-up)

Shoesday: The Power, The Power

Fresh off my heavily-footnoted guest blogging stint at Pens Fatales and I am, of course, drunk with power. First this blog, then a brief appearance on another, more popular blog, then the world*! Please send all fan mail, media inquiries and movie deals to my assistant, who will ignore them and continue battleing twist ties**, because he is a cat. No blue M&Ms.

Naturally, a new media sensation such as myself needs appropriate shoes; professional enough for business lunches with overawed executives, but with a flair and edge that says, "I am representing the new paradigm, and we do not abide by your silly rules of oldness." Fortunately, I came prepared.


*That's how it goes, right?
**He's a tie-fighter! Get it?***
***I told that one to Cameron over dinner and I think he almost broke up with me.

Guest Blogging!

That's right; the lovely ladies over at Pens Fatales, due to either desperation or head injuries, have invited me to write a post for them today, during their shoe-themed week. I have no idea how my name happened to come up. Please stop by and read and leave a story of your favorite shoes, past or present, in the comments.

You Look Kind of Down

Holidays are over, and being back to normal life just isn't as much fun, is it? Well, I've got something that should cheer you up:

SEAL PHOTOBOMB!




(From the Huffington Post)

Why Do Government Scientists Get To Have All The Fun?

Researchers at Los Alamos kind of, accidentally, partially blow up a building.





Whoops.

Shoesday: Got My Writing Boots On

The Story:

Last weekend I sat around the apartment, ate more carbs and drank more wine than was good for me, read an entire Carter Dickson novel and watched a variety of movies. This post isn't about last weekend. This is about the weekend before last, when I went to the Berkeley Mystery Writing Intensive, where authors such as Cornelia Read, Sophie Littlefield, Tim Maleeny, Tony Broadbent, Juliet Blackwell, Seth Harwood and Some Movie Guy held forth on topics useful to those interested in making a living out of murder, without all the messy cleanup*. (The event was organized by Sharon Johnson, whose powers of organization are such that she probably could actually herd cats, and then get them to fold flyers.) Also on the guest list was Sophie's agent, Barbara Poelle** who, by dint of her profession, was immediately the object of the desperate attention of the great unpublished hordes***. I don't know what Sophie has on her, but it must be good. I knew coming in that she didn't represent the sort of stuff I write,**** but that didn't stop me from piping up at every opportunity with increasingly inane comments, to the point where she not only knew my name, but pronounced it with a little sigh.

But what's the point? What does this have to do with the picture at the top of this post? You ask.

Thanks for the reminder, I say, hauling myself back from the brink of the mud puddle of self-loathing. The point is that I was wearing these boots on Saturday. So, while from the knees up I may have been a stammering moron, with two unsalable books on my hard drive and another one on the way, wearing a shirt that I didn't realize gapped quite so much at the top and asking ridiculously contrived questions the answers to which were only of interest to me, from the knees down I was awesome.



*I totally would have been an assassin, if it wasn't for the dry cleaning bills. Also, blood makes me pass out.
**Occasionally described as "slithery."
***Okay, there were about twenty of us.
****i.e. Barely comprehensible ravings of insanity, with lots of footnotes.

Must Have

I want every last item on this page, particularly this one and this one. But most of all, this one:
























Nod to Lucky for making the find.

If It's This Cute, It Has to Be Japanese

It's Monday, and do you know what you need? You need to watch a cat faceplant into a box:





(From Cute Overload, of course.)

This Has Probably Been Going Around the Internet Forever

But hey, I always get to these things late.

Question: if you blog something someone posted on Twitter, do you still need to put "RT" in front of it to give credit? Just in case: RT @ColleenLindsay to RT @bsandusky: this post.

Which really just consists of this list, but what I want to know is, how did the name of my own dear departed cat end up on item #9? Is Japan watching me?