 |
| Loro Piana checkers mat, $2050 |
Playing cards sold separately.
 |
| Jack Spade scarf, $165 |
 |
| "Survey Stick", $350 |
 |
| Boy. Band of Outsiders poncho, $495 |
 |
| Emergency poncho, $3.99 |
 |
| Maison Martin Margiela snowglobe, $195 |
It's backordered.
Showing posts with label gift guide. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gift guide. Show all posts
Friday, November 30, 2012
The You Paid How Much? Gift Guide
What to buy for that person who has everything, except taste and a brain.
If I am going to be dropping upwards of two grand (plus shipping) on a piece of felt, I would frankly expect to see an actual picture of it first.
Playing cards sold separately.
There is nothing wrong with the idea of a humorous novelty scarf that
looks like a hotdog. There is, however, something very wrong with the
idea of paying $165 for a humorous novelty scarf that looks like a
hotdog.
Po-TAY-to/po-TAH-to; beat-up old ruler you stick in the garden to tie up your tomatoes/"survey stick" worth a hundred dollars. Let's call the whole thing crap.
One of these things is just like the other/One of these prices is totally wrong/Can you tell which thing is for stupid people/Do you even remember this song?
This, my friends, is a two-hundred-dollar plastic snowglobe. With nothing in it.
It's backordered.
Playing cards sold separately.
It's backordered.
Friday, December 02, 2011
You Payed What? Manly Gift Edition
Because the Ugly Things For Rich People posts aren't really supposed to be about stuff that is just expensive*, but there are some items that are too stupid to not make fun of on the internet.**
By far the cheapest item I have ever posted, and yet, in its own way, the most insidiously stupid. Because yes, it is moderately amusing (the joke, if you can't read the printing, is that it is a paper bag with detailed instructions for wrapping it around a bottle of beer). And as gag gift prices go, two-fifty is not exactly breaking the bank. But that's not the point. The point is that because Shipley & Halmos is a fancy clothes designer, they are able to take some paper bags, print something moderately amusing on them, and sell them at a 30-fold markup. Because now they're fashion!
This entire shop seems to be aimed at people who have either never heard of a hardware store, or are too afraid to go in them. Is shop class really that traumatic? Look, I am sure that this is a fine axe, just as I am equally sure that it is not 7.9 times better than this axe, which comes highly recommended by people who have actually used it to chop things. Of course, the sellers would argue that you just have to pay more for fine American craftsmanship than for imports from cheaper foreign countries. You know, like Finland.
*I try. I do not always succeed.
**It's the internet. That's what it's for.
 |
| Shipley & Halmos "beer sleeve," $2.50 for 6 |
 |
| Best Made axe, $300 |
*I try. I do not always succeed.
**It's the internet. That's what it's for.
Monday, November 29, 2010
A Case of the Cyber-Mondays
It's the Monday after Thanksgiving.* You're back at your desk, bleary-eyed and wondering what it is you actually do for a living and if it is really possible for a person to eat her own weight in turkey, when you happen to open your email. Immediately, your eyeballs slam to the back of your head, battered by the force of the sheer number of messages with "cyber Monday" in the subject line. You want to participate, you think it wouldn't be a bad idea to start your Christmas shopping sometime before December 23rd, and you don't really feel like doing any work today, but you just don't know where to start. That's where I come in.
Bloomingdale's: $50 off if you spend $250, sales on boots, jackets, sweaters.
Only good if you were planning to drop some fairly serious cash here, but if there's a big ticket item you had in mind, now's the moment. (A moment, anyway.) And, as gifts of clothing go, a coat is a relatively safe one, given the flexibility of the sizing. Faux fur is kind of having a moment right now, as is leopard-print, so if you have someone on your gift-list who can handle it, this jacket might be just the thing. Or you might think I'm insane, which would be nothing new. In that case, you might want to go with something a little simpler.
Ann Taylor: 40% off everything with the code "MONDAY" today only.
Not so much a gift place, but if you need a dress for an office party you could do a lot worse than this. Throw on a flashy necklace and some heels and you're good to go. And nothing says, "Here, I got you a gift" like a scarf.
Bloomingdale's: $50 off if you spend $250, sales on boots, jackets, sweaters.
Only good if you were planning to drop some fairly serious cash here, but if there's a big ticket item you had in mind, now's the moment. (A moment, anyway.) And, as gifts of clothing go, a coat is a relatively safe one, given the flexibility of the sizing. Faux fur is kind of having a moment right now, as is leopard-print, so if you have someone on your gift-list who can handle it, this jacket might be just the thing. Or you might think I'm insane, which would be nothing new. In that case, you might want to go with something a little simpler.
Ann Taylor: 40% off everything with the code "MONDAY" today only.
Not so much a gift place, but if you need a dress for an office party you could do a lot worse than this. Throw on a flashy necklace and some heels and you're good to go. And nothing says, "Here, I got you a gift" like a scarf.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Looks Like It's a Quarter to NERD
Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you: The Math Clock. (I'll just wait here while some of you have to go and solve all of the equations. You know who you are.)
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Scent of a Dead Person
Looking for that perfect gift for someone with a celebrity obsession and very little understanding of molecular biology? How about some cologne "Engineered from the(mtDNA)* of some of the most recognized Celebrities & Famous people in the world"? Celebrities and Famous people! The scent of DNA! And it's on sale!
I don't see how you can miss with this one.
*mitochondrial DNA. Which means you'll smell like anyone in their maternal line. Also, you will gain their ability to use the Force.
I don't see how you can miss with this one.
*mitochondrial DNA. Which means you'll smell like anyone in their maternal line. Also, you will gain their ability to use the Force.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Handy Holiday Gift Suggestions
Is there a girl aged 5-9 years* in your life? Does she like Hello Kitty? Well, you could get her something like this:
You know, if you don't care about her at all.
But if you really want her to be happy, you'll buy her this:
Sure, it costs 25 grand, but really, can you honestly put a price on a child's happiness?**
*I am aware that some of the above may actually be intended for real, fully grown adults; I simply refuse to accept it.
**Yes: $25,000. Or $5 for a tube of cookie dough.
You know, if you don't care about her at all.
But if you really want her to be happy, you'll buy her this:
Sure, it costs 25 grand, but really, can you honestly put a price on a child's happiness?**
*I am aware that some of the above may actually be intended for real, fully grown adults; I simply refuse to accept it.
**Yes: $25,000. Or $5 for a tube of cookie dough.
Friday, August 07, 2009
My Best Discovery of the Santa Fe Craft Market
(I meant to blog this a while ago, but I forgot.)
On of the perks of volunteering at the Santa Fe International Folk Art Market was the tremendous opportunity for people-watching it afforded. Mostly this consisted of spotting Women of a Certain Age wearing their purchases from last year's Market (Yes, it is beautiful workmanship, and it does look thrillingly exotic when the artists wear it. But you, Ma'am, are no Mongolian sheep herder, and I'm afraid it just doesn't go that well with your sensible sandals.), and older men with much younger wives, who often appeared to be of a different nationality. Which was all well and good, but what caught my attention was a necklace worn by a woman who came to my stall to make a purchase. It had a pendant that was a sort of a shadow box, framing a pearl that looked like a bird. I asked the woman about it and she said that she was a jewelry designer, and it was her work. She left before it occurred to me to ask for a card, but I must have been obvious enough in my admiration, because a few minutes later she came back and offered me one.
I finally remembered it today, and visited her website, which is indeed filled with lovely and unique jewelry.
In case anyone is interested, my birthday is October 15th.
On of the perks of volunteering at the Santa Fe International Folk Art Market was the tremendous opportunity for people-watching it afforded. Mostly this consisted of spotting Women of a Certain Age wearing their purchases from last year's Market (Yes, it is beautiful workmanship, and it does look thrillingly exotic when the artists wear it. But you, Ma'am, are no Mongolian sheep herder, and I'm afraid it just doesn't go that well with your sensible sandals.), and older men with much younger wives, who often appeared to be of a different nationality. Which was all well and good, but what caught my attention was a necklace worn by a woman who came to my stall to make a purchase. It had a pendant that was a sort of a shadow box, framing a pearl that looked like a bird. I asked the woman about it and she said that she was a jewelry designer, and it was her work. She left before it occurred to me to ask for a card, but I must have been obvious enough in my admiration, because a few minutes later she came back and offered me one.
I finally remembered it today, and visited her website, which is indeed filled with lovely and unique jewelry.
In case anyone is interested, my birthday is October 15th.
Monday, May 11, 2009
World's Smallest Cube Puzzle
Do you have excellent eyesight, tiny but dexterous fingers and some free time? Know someone who does? Well then, do I have a gift idea for you:
Made by these fine folks, 3-D printers extraordinaires.
Made by these fine folks, 3-D printers extraordinaires.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Pointless Gadget of the Day
Know someone who follows the stock market a little too closely? Want to kill them? Have I got the gift item for you:
The Ambient Orb. Turns red, yellow or green depending on the direction the market is moving. Perfect for the person who likes checking on the Dow every thirty seconds but finds opening their browser too labor-intensive.
Other options include weather and pollen forecasts, for people who want to know in advance how much they are going to be sneezing. One can only assume that a blue/red model will be available in time for the next presidential election.
The Ambient Orb. Turns red, yellow or green depending on the direction the market is moving. Perfect for the person who likes checking on the Dow every thirty seconds but finds opening their browser too labor-intensive.
Other options include weather and pollen forecasts, for people who want to know in advance how much they are going to be sneezing. One can only assume that a blue/red model will be available in time for the next presidential election.
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
Saturday, December 23, 2006
GI/BIGG 7: Last-Minute Shopping
Good Idea*:
The fanciest bottle of wine at the supermarket you can afford. At this point, you're making up for a lack of thoughtfulness with expense.
*Unless the intended recipient is a small child or recovering alcoholic. Or current alcoholic, for that matter. That's just mean. In these cases, admit defeat and give cash.
Bad Idea:
Anything else from the supermarket. Nothing says "I didn't think of you until about twelve hours ago" like a hastily assembled basket of deli products.
More Bad Ideas:
wiper fluid
a toothbrush you got from the dentist (especially if you have the same dentist)
handmade coupons "good for one free backrub", unless you usually charge
decorative rocks
anything that looks like it might have been picked out of the donation barrel at the Y
food stamps
hotel toiletries
excuses
The fanciest bottle of wine at the supermarket you can afford. At this point, you're making up for a lack of thoughtfulness with expense.
*Unless the intended recipient is a small child or recovering alcoholic. Or current alcoholic, for that matter. That's just mean. In these cases, admit defeat and give cash.
Bad Idea:
Anything else from the supermarket. Nothing says "I didn't think of you until about twelve hours ago" like a hastily assembled basket of deli products.
More Bad Ideas:
wiper fluid
a toothbrush you got from the dentist (especially if you have the same dentist)
handmade coupons "good for one free backrub", unless you usually charge
decorative rocks
anything that looks like it might have been picked out of the donation barrel at the Y
food stamps
hotel toiletries
excuses
Thursday, December 21, 2006
GI/BIGG 6: For the Cook
Good Idea:
A paring knife.
Of course, the person you are shopping for already has a paring knife. Or, at least, he or she is sure there is one around here somewhere, only people keep taking it to open packages or unscrew the back of the dvd player, because who knows where the screwdriver went, and yes there's that one but the tip got broken off when it was used to pry that silver dollar out of the toaster, and oh yeah, every once in a while it turns up in the garage because someone has been using it for whittling.
This person needs a paring knife.
Bad Idea:
A cupcake stand.
It's a stand. For cupcakes. I realize that cupcakes are having something of a renaissance these days, as evidenced by the fact that when I was in New York I went to a bakery I had heard of as being specifically famous for making cupcakes and I had to stand in line around the corner to get in and there was a bouncer. For cupcakes. And when I did get one it was perfectly nice, the kind of cupcake someone's mom might make for a bake sale if she had enough time not just to make a run to Safeway but not enough to bake a whole pie or something, but not what I would call wait-around-the-corner-and-get-past-the-bouncer exceptional. So, clearly, there is some kind of fashion thing going on here. But a cupcake stand? Seriously? I mean, can you imagine anything more useless? Okay, so maybe it's cute the first time you pull it out for a party and everyone is impressed by how fashionable you are, but then what? Are you going to use it every year, until your guests start to sigh inside every time they see it? Plus, when you aren't using it, you've got this big thing you have to store somewhere, and what else are you going to do with it? Decorate it with tinsel and set it in your living room? Hang your bras to dry on it?
In short: No one needs this item.
A paring knife.
Of course, the person you are shopping for already has a paring knife. Or, at least, he or she is sure there is one around here somewhere, only people keep taking it to open packages or unscrew the back of the dvd player, because who knows where the screwdriver went, and yes there's that one but the tip got broken off when it was used to pry that silver dollar out of the toaster, and oh yeah, every once in a while it turns up in the garage because someone has been using it for whittling.
This person needs a paring knife.
Bad Idea:
A cupcake stand.
It's a stand. For cupcakes. I realize that cupcakes are having something of a renaissance these days, as evidenced by the fact that when I was in New York I went to a bakery I had heard of as being specifically famous for making cupcakes and I had to stand in line around the corner to get in and there was a bouncer. For cupcakes. And when I did get one it was perfectly nice, the kind of cupcake someone's mom might make for a bake sale if she had enough time not just to make a run to Safeway but not enough to bake a whole pie or something, but not what I would call wait-around-the-corner-and-get-past-the-bouncer exceptional. So, clearly, there is some kind of fashion thing going on here. But a cupcake stand? Seriously? I mean, can you imagine anything more useless? Okay, so maybe it's cute the first time you pull it out for a party and everyone is impressed by how fashionable you are, but then what? Are you going to use it every year, until your guests start to sigh inside every time they see it? Plus, when you aren't using it, you've got this big thing you have to store somewhere, and what else are you going to do with it? Decorate it with tinsel and set it in your living room? Hang your bras to dry on it?
In short: No one needs this item.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
GI/BIGG 6: For the Person You Don't Know What to Get For- Male
Good Idea:
Nerf Weaponry
You might think the guy you are buying a gift for is too mature for this kind of thing. You are wrong.
Bad Idea:
Cologne.
Most guys do not want to wear cologne. Those who do have one particular kind that they have been applying the exactly the same amount of in exactly the same way since they were seventeen and they are perfectly happy with it.
The only exception here is if the guy in question has taken to coating himself with a thick layer of Axe Body Spray, because he believes the ads that explicitly state that this will make all women, everywhere, want to have sex with him when in fact it makes him smell like a cheap bathroom deodorizer. In this case, just about anything will be an improvement.
Nerf Weaponry
You might think the guy you are buying a gift for is too mature for this kind of thing. You are wrong.
Bad Idea:
Cologne.
Most guys do not want to wear cologne. Those who do have one particular kind that they have been applying the exactly the same amount of in exactly the same way since they were seventeen and they are perfectly happy with it.
The only exception here is if the guy in question has taken to coating himself with a thick layer of Axe Body Spray, because he believes the ads that explicitly state that this will make all women, everywhere, want to have sex with him when in fact it makes him smell like a cheap bathroom deodorizer. In this case, just about anything will be an improvement.
Saturday, December 02, 2006
GI/BIGG 5: For the Person You Don't Know What to Get For- Female
Good Idea:
Chocolate
Actually a good idea, regardless of gender. Unless they're allergic, then not so much. Also, avoid the fruit-flavored filling, unless you know otherwise.
Bad Idea:
Candles.
Nobody needs candles. It's the gift that says, "Here. I got you a gift."
Chocolate
Actually a good idea, regardless of gender. Unless they're allergic, then not so much. Also, avoid the fruit-flavored filling, unless you know otherwise.
Bad Idea:
Candles.
Nobody needs candles. It's the gift that says, "Here. I got you a gift."
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
GI/BIGG 4: Holiday Music
Good Idea:
Bing Crosby's Christmas Classics
Bad Idea:
A Colt .45 Christmas
(For certain individuals, reverse the above recommendations. You know who you are.)
Bing Crosby's Christmas Classics
Bad Idea:
A Colt .45 Christmas
(For certain individuals, reverse the above recommendations. You know who you are.)
Monday, November 27, 2006
Monday, November 20, 2006
Good Idea/Bad Idea Gift Guide 2
Sweaters
Good Idea:
A nice sweater, without your employer's logo:
Bad Idea:
A sweater with your employer's logo. Which you paid money for.
(Actual text of an email sent by said employer:
Tis' the season to begin shopping.......
To ring in the holiday, XXX's online company store is offering selected items at discounted prices!! All items are in-stock and ready to ship out within 7 days of placing your order.
Happy Holiday's from XXX to you!
Click here to go to the company store and begin your holiday shopping
Happy Holiday's, indeed.)
Good Idea:
A nice sweater, without your employer's logo:
Bad Idea:
A sweater with your employer's logo. Which you paid money for.
(Actual text of an email sent by said employer:
Tis' the season to begin shopping.......
To ring in the holiday, XXX's online company store is offering selected items at discounted prices!! All items are in-stock and ready to ship out within 7 days of placing your order.
Happy Holiday's from XXX to you!
Click here to go to the company store and begin your holiday shopping
Happy Holiday's, indeed.)
Saturday, November 18, 2006
The Good Idea/Bad Idea Gift Guide
As you may or may not be aware, the holidays are approaching. And since I am nothing if not helpful, I have decided to offer a series of posts one what to and what not to give as gifts. I'd say I'll do one a day until Christmas, but we both know I'd be lying. First up, the last resort for when you have no idea what to give: gift cards!
Good Idea:
Really, the best thing here is to figure out where your recipient actually shops, and get a card from there. But, if you don't know or can't be bothered to care, you can't go wrong with amazon. They can get pretty much anything and they don't have to leave the house.
Bad Idea:
A grocery store gift card:
The gift that says, "I don't think you have enough money for food.
Or,
"I'd give you cash, but I'm afraid you would spend it on drugs."
Good Idea:
Really, the best thing here is to figure out where your recipient actually shops, and get a card from there. But, if you don't know or can't be bothered to care, you can't go wrong with amazon. They can get pretty much anything and they don't have to leave the house.
Bad Idea:
A grocery store gift card:
The gift that says, "I don't think you have enough money for food.
Or,
"I'd give you cash, but I'm afraid you would spend it on drugs."
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