Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Is Somebody Cooking In Here?

Before you get laser surgery on your eye, they tell you a lot of things. They tell you about the drops you're going to need to use, and how long it will take to recover and what, exactly the laser is doing in there. What they don't tell you about is the smell.

(Also: Apparently, I was the first person to ever ask the nurse how often people's eyes explode during the procedure. Seemed like an obvious question to me.)

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

GI/BIGG 4: Holiday Music

Good Idea:
Bing Crosby's Christmas Classics



Bad Idea:
A Colt .45 Christmas



(For certain individuals, reverse the above recommendations. You know who you are.)

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

The Woods-Williams Subtlety in Movies Act of 2006

Proposed: That no movie which contains in it singing and/or dancing penguins shall also include, as its climactic scene, live human actors depicting the members of the UN debating a ban on fishing in the Antarctic oceans, inspired by the power of dance. Violation of this law shall result in fines not less than a third of the gross earnings of said movie, to be paid to the North American Professional Fisheries Association. Failure to pay will be punished by the employment of government agents to attend all screenings of the offending movie and declare, "You have got to be kidding me" at regular intervals.

All fines are to be doubled if said movie employs a rendition of the song "Leader of the Pack" for dramatic purposes.

Monday, November 20, 2006

It's the Monday Before Thanksgiving

Why are all you people still here?

Good Idea/Bad Idea Gift Guide 2

Sweaters

Good Idea:
A nice sweater, without your employer's logo:



Bad Idea:
A sweater with your employer's logo. Which you paid money for.

(Actual text of an email sent by said employer:
Tis' the season to begin shopping.......

To ring in the holiday, XXX's online company store is offering selected items at discounted prices!! All items are in-stock and ready to ship out within 7 days of placing your order.


Happy Holiday's from XXX to you!

Click here to go to the company store and begin your holiday shopping


Happy Holiday's, indeed.)

Saturday, November 18, 2006

The Good Idea/Bad Idea Gift Guide

As you may or may not be aware, the holidays are approaching. And since I am nothing if not helpful, I have decided to offer a series of posts one what to and what not to give as gifts. I'd say I'll do one a day until Christmas, but we both know I'd be lying. First up, the last resort for when you have no idea what to give: gift cards!

Good Idea:
Really, the best thing here is to figure out where your recipient actually shops, and get a card from there. But, if you don't know or can't be bothered to care, you can't go wrong with amazon. They can get pretty much anything and they don't have to leave the house.

Bad Idea:
A grocery store gift card:

The gift that says, "I don't think you have enough money for food.
Or,
"I'd give you cash, but I'm afraid you would spend it on drugs."

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

The Downside

Recently, I've taken up stained glass-making. Which is fun, and you end up with a nice window:



But, there is a downside: