Thursday, February 25, 2016

American Idol S1E1: The Kellyening

If you're not watching the current we-swear-this-is-the-final-season of American Idol, there's something you need to know: They are really, really into Kelly Clarkson. To hear her discussed on the current show, you would think she is some sort of combination of God and Beyonce, and it is a testament to the great power and wisdom of Idol that they immediately seized on her talent and presented her like a gift to the world.

In fact, the winner of the first season was basically presented as cannon fodder for the first several episodes, to the point where I don't even remember what she sang for her Top 30 song. I guess we'll find out together.

0:06 Second visible appearance of Kelly Clarkson on the show! Still have not heard her speak or sing.

0:07 Justin is here too!

0:53 I just want to take a moment and talk about how young Ryan Seacrest looks here, compared to his appearance on the current season. I mean, yes, I know, I looked younger in 2002 too, and I may have also owned that shirt, but the dude hasn't aged so much as transmogrified. I seriously think that part of the deal for buying Dick Clark's production company was that he had to take on some sort of curse, and now the eldrich forces are slowly turning him into Mr. Clark. Meanwhile, trapped somewhere in a garret, Brian Dunkleman grows ever younger. . .

3:58 Alexis Lopez, seventeen years old and rocking a look that's half jailbait/half elderly-lounge-singer. She sings "I Will Survive" because of course she does.

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

All the Things that Happened on S1E4 of American Idol: Group 1 Results Show

0:11 Opening credits.

0:43 Ryan and Brian are both wearing khakis.

2:04 Paula tries to deliver a zinger, fails badly.

4:23 I am reasonably confident that Ryan is NOT wearing a pukka shell necklace.

8:03 Tamyra Gray is the first person put through to the next round.

10:38 "Weakest Link" joke.

13:26 Ryan Starr gets the second spot in the top 10.

16:18 Jim Verraros is the third finalist. There are over four minutes left in the show.

17:38 Everyone in the finalist chairs is wearing a choker. 2002!

20:01 End credits.

Monday, February 08, 2016

Not-Exactly-Live-Blogging American Idol S1E3: Top 30 Group 1

And now, into the depths we go. This is it, the opening of public voting, as the 30 who were put through from Hollywood-Pasadena Week are narrowed down to however many we end up with. I can't be sure, but I suspect that this may have been when I started caring deeply about the voting results.

1:21 Explanation time! It's 10 singers to elimination, 9 from voting and the judge's wildcard. This would be much less fun if my memory was better.

1:30 It looks like they're holding this in the lobby of a Ramada Inn conference center.

2:59 Paula seems to have had a new face installed here. I don't think it took.

3:55 Reminder that calls are toll-free "unless you use a cell phone" and no number for texting votes. Was 2002 really that long ago?