Thursday, May 29, 2014

Blogging the Met: Fair Warning

Pictures of cats: Ancient Syrian Edition

The Metropolitan Museum of Art has put its entire collection online. Naturally, I have decided to look at all of it.* Chronologically, of course. I'm in 8000-2000 B.C. right now, and it looks like this is going to take a while.

I will be blogging as I go, of course, but if anyone is interested in playing along, I am posting a running collection of interesting and uninteresting things I encounter on Pinterest boards. If I encounter any cursed mummies, I'll be sure to let you know.

*Just the items that have pictures.

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Walk-Up Music Suggestions For the Oakland A's: Weirdness Edition

Josh Reddick of the Oakland Athletics is my hero. Not because he is a talented player on my favorite baseball team; that's a terrible reason to admire anyone.* But recently, and apparently on a whim, he decided to choose as his walk-out music "Careless Whisper," that George-Michael-and-a-saxaphone classic about the long-term affects of guilt on your feet and the rhythm thereof. And I think that's great. Not just the song, which is obviously awesome, but the addition of a little random weirdness to America's Pastime. Which, like so many things, could always use a little more random weirdness.

I would like to encourage this sort of thing, so I have assembled a list of similarly-minded walkout songs for the rest of the A's position players.** Because, when you come right down to it, why not?

John Jaso, C
Let It Go, Idina Menzel
Pros: Might mess with the pitcher's release point, increased ticket sales among coveted female 6-13 demographic.
Con: The line "Cold never bothered me anyway" might be read as insensitive to attendees at 50-degree August night games.

Derek Norris, C
Yakety Sax
Bonus points if everyone in the dugout runs around, ducks through doors, etc.

Craig Gentry, CF
Bette Davis Eyes, Kim Carnes
Brief delay of game as a karaoke competition breaks out in the upper deck.

Yoenis Cespedes, LF
Take On Me, A-Ha
TV coverage breaks for an ad so the third base umpire heads into the stands to officiate semi-final round.

Josh Donaldson, 3B
Total Eclipse of the Heart,  Bonnie Tyler
In an upset, Bob Melvin takes the trophy with his surprisingly heartfelt rendition.

Kyle Blanks, 1B
MMM MMM MMM MMM, Crash Test Dummies
Everybody, hum!

Coco Crisp, CF
Tiny Dancer, Elton John
Would this song inspire more, less, or an equal amount of arm-waving as Careless Whisper? Discuss.

Eric Sogard, 2B
Hello Dolly, Louis Armstrong
You know what professional sports needs? More showtunes.

Nick Punto, SS
The Impossible Dream, Brian Stokes Mitchell

Brandon Moss, 1B
And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going, Jennifer Holliday

Jed Lowrie, SS
It's the End of the World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine), REM
Entire stadium: *mumblemumblesomethingsomethingLEO-NARD BERN-STEIN*

Alberto Callaspo, 2B
Take Your Mama, Scissor Sisters
Let's see how far we can take this thing.

*I am completely serious about this.
**Pitchers will have to be another post. I'm thinking maybe TV theme songs?

Sunday, May 04, 2014

Rogue Tomato Goes Rogue

Some people say that tomatoes are choosy, delicate plants requiring only the best in soils, nutrients, and growing conditions.

Rogue tomato would beg to differ.

You talkin' to me?
Rogue tomato sprouted from the seed of a fruit left to fall and sit on the ground through the winter because it was too gross to pick up. It set its roots in soil that manages to be at the same time both rock-hard and entirely composed of sand and sprouted through a layer of red rubber groundcover, spread for the express purpose of keeping things from growing. You can try to dig up and transplant Rouge Tomato to more comfortable environs, but I wouldn't advise it.


So, while the other tomatoes luxuriate in their raised bed, with their trellises and carefully composed soil, Rogue Tomato remains defiantly alive, where no tomato should be able to expect to live, down with the weeds and the slugs and the shoes of inattentive gardeners who weren't expecting to find a tomato there until they almost stepped on it.

And you know what else? Rogue Tomato is not alone.