Since You Asked: Brides Magazine Advice Column

The upside/downside of our recent home invasion by Brides magazine is the truly wonderful advice column. I may have to offer my help to all of the questioners eventually, but for now let's just take it from the top.

My fiance's family is showing zero interest in planning the wedding, while my parents are really involved. He tells me not to take offense-- it's just how they are-- but I'm starting to feel like they don't like me. Is this normal? Should I say something to them?

Dear Person,

The columnist addressed the functional part of your question in her answer-- pointing out that they may be staying out of your hair out of kindness, or just because they have better things to do*-- so I'm going to skip that and get to your Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Have you always felt that other people should arrange their lives entirely around your interests, or is it a new thing? I realize that a couple of hours spent huffing bridal-magazine glue can make it seem like choosing a napkin color is the most important decision since the deployment of the a-bomb, only with more potential casualties, but believe me when I say that not everyone feels this way.

But we're just skirting the real issue here, aren't we? You don't actually want your fiance's family weighing in on the planning with their terrible ideas. (What kind of monster would suggest green ribbons for the centerpieces? The horror.) No, what you want is to be recognized as the most important person in the world by everyone involved, because that is your birthright. It's the modern way: Forget the whole princess-for-a-day thing; now you're the despotic ruler of a small island nation for a good eight months.

So, no, you shouldn't say anything. They're probably already pretty sure you're crazy; why spoil the fun of guessing?

Sincerely,
Daisy


*Giving me a good impression of her sense and intelligence, which lasted until I read her answer to the next question, where she basically said that a bridesmaid who has the nerve to dislike the dress she is being forced to purchase is probably fat and/or unhappy about being single, and is also a horrible whiny bitch who you should just stop being friends with. So, yeah, there's that.

Since You Asked: Dear Lucky

The following is an actual question from a reader that appeared in this month's Lucky magazine. I thought I'd help out by answering it for them.

Q: So, I just turned 25 and I still have no wrinkles (phew!), but I want to do the best thing for my face to prevent aging. I already wear SPF every day, but I never know what kind of face creams to buy specifically for antiaging. Should I be wearing anti-wrinkle cream, or will wearing it too soon make my skin immune to it in the future?

Dear Person,

I will be happy to answer your question, but first I have to go slam my head in the freezer door a few times. Be right back.
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Okay! Right, where were we? Oh yes, your question. Well, as happy as I am for you that you have managed to avoid developing wrinkles at the ripe old age of 25, and that you are taking measures to avoid excessive sun exposure-- that can increase your risk of skin cancer, which some people actually consider to be worse-- I am afraid that there is one key beauty tip you've missed out on. This may come as a shock to you, but the truth is that being a shallow, image-obsessed moron who is so deeply insecure that she is panicking about wrinkles when she is barely out of her teens is even less attractive than someone who might have a couple of lines on her face. For your situation, I would recommend developing a self-image that is not completely dependent on the appeal of your youth, and maybe taking up a hobby. I understand that decoupage can be very soothing.

As far as the second part of your question goes, I am afraid I am not going to be able to answer that in any useful way because it depends on a) the idea that anti-wrinkle creams have any efficacy whatsoever and b) an understanding of the concept of immunity that is so poor that any explanation I attempted would simply bounce off your incomprehension, like pennies off your inevitable facelift. So, in short: No.


All the Best,
Daisy

A Bad Sign, Interpreted

Bad Sign: You have been given a local anesthetic, and during the proceedings the doctor keeps asking you "Does this hurt?" in a tone that suggests he is surprised that you are saying no.

Interpretation: When that anesthetic wears off, it is going to hurt like a mother.