Monday, December 24, 2007

Go Ahead and Listen

You didn't really think I was going to you leave you with that as my holiday post, did you?

Merry Christmas, everyone.

Friday, December 21, 2007

You Might Want to Turn the Volume Down for This One

And try not to look directly at it for extended periods of time.

Yes, that is Blair from The Facts of Life, and yes, she is singing to prisoners. I can't quite remember why. All I know is, I believe the original airing was the first time I heard that song, and I can't listen to it without thinking of this.

Happy Holidays!

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

In the Belly of the Meese

In what may the greatest advancement in tourism since the invention of the giant ball of twine, Swedish tourism promoters plan to build themselves an enormous moose. But what's that? "Big deal," you sneer? "It takes more than a fourteen-story-high ungulant that spans two counties to impress me." Your restraint is admirable, but what if I told you there was a restaurant in its belly, not to mention "a concert hall, conference rooms and a shop"? Yeah, I thought so.

Hear that? That's the sound of a thousand Canadian tourism officials simultaneously smacking themselves on the forehead.

Monday, December 17, 2007

Wow, Santa Really IS Watching

Received in my email today: a five-dollar-off coupon for online traffic school.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

I Knew He Was Around Here Somewhere. . .

Said by me while unpacking the creche during the James family Christmas Decoration Extravaganza:

"Hey, I think I found Jesus."

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

It's been a rough day:

Which is why I feel the need to list the songs that (perhaps inexpilcably) make me smile:

Aerosmith, "Dude Looks Like a Lady":

Starship, "We Built This City":

The Hours, "Ali in the Jungle":

Blake Shelton, "The More I Drink":

Everclear, "AM Radio":

The Glenn Miller Orchestra, "In the Mood":

Scissor Sister, "Kiss You Off":

Katrina and the Waves, "Walking on Sunshine":

There. I feel better now.

Monday, December 10, 2007

For When Jazzercise Is Just Too Dignified

There's Hoolie Hoop. It's the exercise craze that's kinda fun for about ten minutes, then you get bored and leave it out on the lawn and forget about it.

Sunday, December 09, 2007

Omigod, Awards

You know Kelly, right? Kelly likes shoes:

And thanks to her love of shoes, Kelly is up for a People's Choice Award, easily the fourteenth most important media award given out in the month of January. You should vote for her, because if the "leave Britney alone" kid wins, we all lose.

Oh No She Didn't

Oh yes, she did.

And they were delicious.

Thursday, December 06, 2007

Anatomy of a Fashion Disaster

I own a nearly shocking number of fabulous shoes. I shop with vim and purpose. I get my hair cut and colored at a fancy salon. And yet, deep in my heart, I know no matter what I do I can never be a truely stylish person, because I know that at one time I looked like this:

High waisted, acid washed, tapered jeans? Why yes. Oversized, "humorous" t-shirt that is not actually funny tucked into said jeans? Roger that. Not one, but two ridiculous necklaces, one a knit bag holding random items and the other a dead insect named Floyd encased in amber? But of course. Ugly, ill-fitted and wrinkled old-man sweater? Check. But really, can anything compete with the boy-band haircut with side- and back-fade? I didn't think so.

This, my friends, is what I looked like in the prime of my youth. Thank God that's over.

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

The Disneyfication of the Italian Legal System

Recently, it has been reported that characters including Mickey Mouse, Donald Duck and Daisy Duck (no relation) were summoned to appear in Italian court, in relation to a counterfeiting trial:

In what lawyers believe was a clerical error worthy of a Looney Tunes cartoon, a court in Naples sent a summons to the characters ordering them to appear Friday in a trial in the southern Italian city, officials said. . . "Unfortunately they cannot show up, as they are residents of Disneyland," the vice president of Disney Company Italia told The Associated Press.

This is true; as citizens of Disneyland, Mickey et al are essentially immune from international law. The "magic" kingdom is notorious for its isolationism (demonstrated by high tarriffs for a single-day visa, rigorously guarded borders and strict curfew for visitors) and has no extradition treaty with any of the EU member states. And, seeing as trying to extract an individual from "behind the happy curtain", as it's known in diplomatic circles, is far too dangerous, I think "clerical error" is definitely the right call here.